Grumpy Critic Rides Again (at Sea!)

Most of yesterday (and this morning) was pretty much the same.  

The "noon podcast" has continued to be adorable.  We all love it and it's going on my comment card as something that could be the hallmark of this ship.  (At one point yesterday, the captain got on and jokingly complained that the noonday report is supposed to be "delivered by the captain in a monotone."  Of course, he also reminded us to "continue our love affair with the handrails," and then something about the jacuzzi being available "for jacuzzing.")

We are Officially Going To Lose Trivia - on account of the days being worth vastly different numbers of points.  Maybe we'll win by one point on a day where there are ten or fifteen points available to each team.  Today, there was a massive 45 points available.  (That's about 1/3 of what most teams had going into today.)  It was Duets - you had to name the song and both artists.  We got ourselves a respectable 34.  (If we were PERFECT on what we knew, it would've been 36; but, you know, errors are sometimes made in a team setting.)  But the highest scoring team got a massive 43.  There's no way we're going to make up 10 points on a few more days of standard-scoring trivia.

(On the other hand, we did kind of, uh, slaughter on Musical Theatre Name That Tune.  26 out of 30.  I was annoyed at the ones I brain farted on, whereas the next highest score was, you know, 20.  But this didn't count for the progressive trivia.  Instead, we won a little bag of chocolates for crushing that.  (It was the birthday of one of my friends; he suggested I take the bag back to my cabin, then "present" it to him at dinner like I'd bought it as a gift.)

So:  Grumpy Critic.  I used to refer to myself as Grumpy Critic when I was reviewing, on account of believing I'm pretty hard to get a rave out of.  ("It was entertaining, but ...")  

Last night, there were two competing events on the schedule:  Stargazing with the Captain (and special guest, my (birthday) friend who is an Astronomer) and the Entertainment Manager doing his solo show of Broadway tunes.

Normally, I'd be all over the Stargazing even if my friend wasn't part of it.  But I was curious about Entertainment Manager's voice, and after our performance in Musical Theatre Name That Tune, it was hard to pretend I wasn't interested in showtunes.  We asked him to change the schedule, but he assured us that there would be repeats of the Stargazing.  (I'm hoping for clear skies tonight.)  So I reluctantly said my goodnights to Astronomer and went off to Entertainment Manager's show (as did Astronomer's wife).

Entertainment Manager has a legit West End credit (as a child actor) and has performed in theatre and cabaret, before turning to Entertainment At Sea.  He opened his show with "Love Changes Everything" and, reader, we've got us a legit power tenor here.

Grumpy Critic was immediately mentally rewriting his show.  He's a charming performer and has good rapport with the audience (getting plenty of laughs), but his encore was the absolute wrong song for the moment and he has a tendency to prefer Way Too Much echo in the sound system when he sings.  (Grumpy Critic would also report that she thinks the reason he wasn't more successful on stage is that his voice wants to be Young Leading Man, but he's pushing 40 and his look and personality are more Comic Sidekick, which probably limits opportunities.  (He said he was offered stand-in work on "Wicked" for Boq - this should give you some idea of his frame.)  I was trying to listen to him without actually looking at his face - bit of a challenge as I was in the front row, so made solid eye contact with his shoulder.)  

But if you parse all the grumpy out of that paragraph, I was pretty impressed vocally; I'm not used to cruise ship entertainment being able to pull out some of those power notes without scooping.  Props, my man.  (During his show, he sang one song which he'd said was requested.  It was fine, but not the song for him.  I went into my library and came out with something I think is more fitting for his voice.  He said he's never sung it in public, but will see if he can learn it.  We'll see if that was a blow-off or if he'll give it a go.)

(Also, the Entertainment Manager is a nice young man who LOVES musical theatre, enjoys dressing up in drag as Cher, says his favorite band is Queen and ... has a girlfriend.  When he mentioned this latter bit during his show, you could hear the murmurs of about 100 people deciding they need to take their "gaydar" into the shop for recalibration.)

It wasn't that windy, so I braved standing at Selfie Point at lunch, only to discover that the drop isn't DIRECTLY off the back of the ship -- instead there's a deck a couple stories below.  My brain immediately started posing the word problem ("if the ship is travelling at 13 knots and you drop your phone, will it land on the deck or in the water by the time it gets down there?") but I decided it was best not to try it out. 

I did risk a selfie, but I'd come from the gym and was still wearing a headband, so I'll have to aim for this shot again later.

Middle of the Atlantic

We were supposed to have a party on deck today to celebrate the halfway point of our ocean crossing.  You will note the "supposed to" in that sentence.  The clouds that screwed up stargazing last night stayed with us and decided to make a light rain.  The powers that make decisions on a ship decided that electricity (used by the band, for the party) would be a bad mix with the rain, so pulled the plug on the party.  We'll celebrate being 70% across when the weather is better.

Because the party was cancelled, I dropped by the daily art class, which is where I made Grumpy the Sea Turtle.  (I posted him on Facebook while he was drying.  Now that he's dry and I picked off all the salt - yeah, we used salt for some damn reason - I can show you the final product.  Look now; it's not like he's going to be framed on my wall.)

I'm not entirely happy with the lady teaching the class.  She sort of walks around and, when she sees something in my work she doesn't like, she just fixes it -- without even asking and certainly without teaching me.  Just "this part should be lighter," and next thing I know, she's wet a paper towel and is lightening it up.  I mean, yeah, those parts DO look better now.  But I would rather have my own shitty turtle than her better turtle.  Like I said, I'm not framing it on the wall.

Of course, even when she did tell me what to do, it didn't turn out well.  At one point, after I'd done the pink for his tongue, there was a little bit of white space underneath.  She told me to put a bit more brown there.  I did, and the pink from the tongue immediately started to seep over there.  (Thanks a lot, lady; I would have preferred the white.)  I'm ok with it.  It isn't seeping paint, it's the blood of his enemies on his chin.  Do not fuck with Grumpy.

We did drop 3 points in Trivia yesterday (for a total of 4 down) but we won today, so picked up a point.  So we're three out of first and holding second by a point or two.  I'm pleased, but also miffed; we should've had another point, but I missed a question because I did a stoopid.

As for the crossing, they gave us all certificates - even though the crossing isn't finished.  Seemed awfully optimistic of them.  (Not going to frame this either.)

It isn't just the awkward syntax.  The amusing part is that while the captain's signature is live ink, it's pretty clear that the hotel manager's initials were a cut-and-paste job.  (You can see how they're in the white square that doesn't quite match the white of the certificate.)  OK, yeah, the hotel manager is clearly busy what with the understaffing.  Still, the freakin' CAPTAIN found the time to sign these things.  (Flashback to when I had to sign a stack of Nominee Certificates for the L.A. Drama Critics Circle Awards, knowing that some folks were going to cherish them, while others were going to leave them on the floor at the ceremony.  You just tried to think about the folks for whom it mattered, and keep signing.)

The freakin' Captain is very personable and while I'd like to think he was hired for his ability to, you know, captain the ship across the Atlantic, it's also clear that he is quite good at the part of his job that involves dealing with the guests (and posing for pictures with the drunk ones).  He runs a ... well, I'm not going to say "loose ship," but he's allowing a little more fun among the crew, which is really enjoyable.  Every day at noon, the bridge officers do an update on our status - ship's location, bearing, speed, ocean depth, weather, ... stuff like that.  I've previously heard it delivered in that same buzzing loudspeaker voice that you hear on planes that starts with "this is your captain speaking."  Pretty dull stuff.  So, a couple days in, the captain was down in the Lounge to give us the story about the rocky weather we were facing and he was going to talk to us right at noon.  So we hear the update from the bridge officers, and it sounds like a couple of the younger officers got their hands on the mic while the captain was away (although I'm certain they actually had permission).  They are "welcoming us to the noon podcast."  They're kind of adorable and the captain is in the Lounge with us, watching how well it goes over.  ("I'm Matt."  "And I'm Ben."  "And we are ... Ben and Matthew.")  We actually applaud it.  We found out later that the two of them have only known each other less than three weeks, but they definitely have a chemistry and manage to crack us up on the daily.  Now we're at the point where the "noon podcast" has a special guest each day, as different departments are trying to get in on the fun.

I got invited to dinner at Matthew's table tomorrow.  I think it would be delightful, but had to decline on account of it being my friend's birthday and we had planned a special birthday dinner.  When I sent my regrets, I made certain to indicate I'd love to go another time.

Tomorrow is a heavily-scheduled day, what with rescheduling some of the stuff that has been cancelled before.  Gotta get my sleep on.

Addendum

Food came right after I posted.  :)

I inhaled it and headed off to the Stargazing.  I'm walking down the hallway between an older woman, wearing a bathrobe, and her companion.  I'm making casual conversation.  It doesn't take me too long to catch on to the fact that she is, uh, in her cups. 

She stops walking and grabs my arm.

Her:  Who are you?

Me:  I'm Sharon.

Her:  Where are you from?

Me:  Los Angeles.

Her:  Why haven't I seen you before?

My brain says, "You have; you're just drunk off your ass," but my mouth stops it in time and says something like, "I don't know.  I've been here."

We make our way out on deck in the dark (for to see the stars).  The Captain will be joining us in a few, but the First Officer is out there now, using a small red light to guide us so that we don't fall over but also don't ruin our night vision.  The sloshed lady from before is taking out her phone to get better light to see, which is kind of defeating the purpose (but I understand where she may be more discombobulated than most.  Someone ought to combobulate her right quick).

Sadly, the clouds have made an appearance and there isn't much stargazing to be done.  We can see one star.  Captain points it out (Sirius) and we all applaud.  He thanks us for coming and promises to reschedule when multiple stars will be visible.  We head back inside to the well-lit hallway.  As I'm leaving, I hear someone say that she's not going until she gets a picture standing between the Captain and the First Officer while she's wearing her bathrobe.

OK, then.  

Not Just a Blog Post, It's a Race

The crew is working its collective ass off.  The biggest problem with this ship is that there just aren't enough of them.  (Crew, not asses.  We have enough asses.  Mostly among the passengers.  But I digress.)

The problem is a physical one - insufficient crew cabins.  There's a really obvious solution and it's on the deck plan - 10 guest cabins on the Deck 3.  (The ship is set up so that all the places we have to go are on Deck 4 or higher (with the exception of the tender platform) and nearly all passenger cabins are on Deck 5 or 6, with some extra spendy ones up on Deck 7.  Deck 3 are the cheapest cabins and they probably sell (on account of being less expensive) but I reckon that if they drop those cabins, they wouldn't lose all the revenue -- some (if not all) of those folks would just pay for pricier cabins.  (There are upwards of 20 empty cabins on this sailing anyway.)  What I'm saying here is:  other than the costs of remodelling those spaces into crew cabins (and whatever other changes would go into that deck not accommodating passengers), there would likely be minimal loss of revenue with converting them into crew spaces, which would enable them to hire the additional crew they really really need.

Which brings us, by the way, to the race.  I'm ordering room service tonight because I don't feel like the big dinner in one of the restaurants.  When I called they were so busy they had to call me back in ten minutes.  The order went in and I started writing.  Will there be blog first or burger first?  (I'm betting on blog, but am happy to be proven wrong.)

(I am reluctant to provide today's Trivia Report, in which, rather than gaining ground on the team we were only 1 point behind, we, er, screwed the pooch and dropped, like, 3 more points to them.  A few other teams might have gotten ahead of us too.  Not our finest hour.  Half-hour.  Whatever.)

But I also wanted to show you my favorite spot on the ship, which was conveniently empty for good photographing.  On Decks 5 and 6 (where most of the guests are), most of the cabins have balconies.  Some of them do not.  There's a few lounge chairs set up in the very back of the deck -- I like to think of this as the communal balcony for the folks on the deck (like myself) who don't have rooms with balconies (although it's really open to everyone).  Look how welcoming!  

I even took a selfie!  (That railing was not nearly as threatening as that one by breakfast I posted the other day.)

Look at that!  Calm seas!  Occasional white puffy cloud!  Happy Sharon!

Indeed, the skies are so nice that the Captain has scheduled a little "Stargazing at Sea" tonight.  I'm thinking "middle of the Atlantic" should be pretty good from a dark sky perspective, so I'm hoping for some good viewing.

(After burger.  Which will, indeed, follow blog.)

The Yacht Club

The Yacht Club is the name of both Windstar's loyalty program AND the lounge with the windowed walls all around it.  (This has, on occasion, made for some confusing conversations.  You know, because the Yacht Club party is held in the Lounge, while there's private party in the Yacht Club.)

I have already turned in my mid-cruise comment card.  (I'm making a point of only suggesting things that can actually be resolved mid-cruise.)  But if I could have another card, I would suggest posting the Yacht Club hours and offerings by the door in the Yacht Club.  Or on the bar itself.  Because while its daily hours are listed in the app for each mealtime, certain nuances are in fact discovered when you're there.

For example, it has a "Continental Breakfast" until 11:00, and Lunch from 11:00.  Except, it only has a single employee in there, and it takes her about 10 minutes to do the food changeover.  So, really, it should be Breakfast until about 10:55 and Lunch from 11:10.  Which is not a major distinction, but is a significant one if you overslept and are trying to grab a quick muffin before Trivia.

(We started today down by one and tied on today's TV Trivia.  Tomorrow is General Knowledge.  I'm already preparing for questions on General Mills, General Electric, Modern Major-General....)

The listings also say the Yacht Club has lunch from 11:00 to 5:00, but fail to mention that scones magically appear at some point in the afternoon (I found them today at 4:00ish) and also that EVEN COFFEE WON'T HAPPEN after 5:00.  The club itself is still open but the service is closed, while the Yacht Club flips into a bar for evening hours.  I don't know how many times I watched the nice lady explain that folks had to go elsewhere for their coffee (and/or alcholic beverage) needs while I was quietly munching on my scone today.  Part of this problem comes from folks familiar with the Yacht Club on other Windstar ships - where it is pretty much the coffee shop straight through.  But here, it turns into a bar at night, and the staff gets an hour to do the conversion.  So, yeah, signage.

I also would rip the sign off the bathroom wall in the bathroom outside the main restaurant.  That sign is a little graphic showing that the door opens outward.  The door actually opens inward.  (There's another sign that suggests you open the door with your "paper towel," but these bathrooms provide little fabric hand towels, so that sign, too, is a bit misleading.)  Ah, the fun of being on a maiden voyage.

Had a nice little exercise in the gym today.  MUCH easier to walk on the treadmill when you don't have to keep a death grip on it for fear you'll go flying off at the next big wave.  The ocean is substantially less choppy (waves of only 2 meters, rather than the previous 3-4) and I even risked swaying my arms a bit while walking my mile.

Today's photo is from my table at lunch, in the little covered outdoor area in the back of the restaurant.  And also the back of the ship.  I'm not exactly sure WHY the deck is constructed with that little place to walk out right in the dead center.  I think of it as the Selfie Spot.  Or the place to pretend to be Rose and Jack (even though that was on the bow and this is the stern).  I also think of it as The Place I Won't Be Taking A Selfie Because I Didn't Bring A Strap For My Phone And Would Rather Not Have It Fly Off While We're Doing Thirteen Knots.

Quick Update

I'll try to be short and sweet today because, you know, Current Events.  (You try REALLY HARD not to talk politics on a cruise unless you know who you're dealing with, but sometimes, you just can't help it.  Most folks were talking about what will happen to upcoming Caribbean cruises.  Windstar has a ship docked in St. Martin that is supposed to be unloading passengers and loading up for the next cruise, but the Venezuela not-official-war-thing has resulted in closing the airport there, so everyone is sort of wondering how Windstar is dealing with that.  I am keenly aware that the impact on Caribbean cruises is not generally your first, second, or even third thought when your government is trying to effectuate regime change in South America, but we do have friends headed there, and are sparing a thought for their safe travels.

Updates on previous posts:

We ended up only two points down in "progressive trivia."  (Conveniently, they decided the picture-of-a-crewmember thing was a multi-way tie, so we didn't lose any ground there.)  Today was "Authors" and we won that, but we're not sure how many points we gained on the team we're chasing.

Weather wasn't quite as bad as yesterday, but NOW they've closed the deck around the lounge with all the windowed walls.  I know this because it looked so much better, I thought I'd give it a try, but was stopped by this sign.  (It reads, "OPEN DECK CLOSED DUE TO STRONG WEATHER CONDITIONS.")

That was FORWARD.  Things were way better AFT.  Indeed, hanging out on the aft decks was permitted and awesome.  Here's that view of my feets on a lounge chair everyone posts.  (I'm still fully clothed, which explains the shoes, but still.  Lovely view.)

Dinner service was getting pretty speedy the past couple days, but was super slow tonight again.  (We spent three hours in there.  Prolly 90 minutes of that was waiting for the entrees after they'd cleared the soup/salad dishes.  We were having a good time and all, but also, you know, hungry.  We think the kitchen staff is overwhelmed.  It has been suggested that some of the crew have succombed to seasickness, which would explain it.  Also seems like maybe they're just understaffed.  It's hard to complain when you see the staff absolutely hustling their butts off and still not being able to get everyone served.)

Also, the dinner menu they posted in the daily app was in no way the dinner menu actually on the table.  Second day in a row that happened.  But the app has limits.  I think my "favorite" part is that the daily schedule always opens with a line about something cool to see in your port city that day, and a suggestion that you take a photo there and tag it on social media.  This is my favorite because we're not stopping in any ports.  So it just has fun facts about the Atlantic, then suggests that would be a great place for a selfie.

I think we've just been told to go jump in the ocean.

Weeeeeee!

The ocean continues to be oceany.  The captain got on the ship-wide radio at 9:00 this morning, to wake us all up and to let us know all outdoor spaces on the ship would be closed today.  They were even cancelling an (indoor) afternoon cocktail party, just on account of not wanting us to try to stand and mingle with drinks in our hands.  It's choppy, is what I'm saying.

Indeed, the captain scheduled a noon briefing for the passengers, all about the weather.  ("This can't be good news," I thought.)  And it wasn't, although not as bad as we feared.  There's an annoying low pressure system (shown on a map with arrows in a scary red pattern) that is causing trouble, and it is expected to continue doing so for the rest of the day and tomorrow, after which it should be smooth sailing.  When he got to that line, we all applauded, and the captain said he'd never seen a crowd applaud when he's given bad news before.

When I got up this morning (to the dulcet tones of various things falling over in my cabin), I was feeling quite green, so resolved to get some seasickness stuff from the ship's doctor.  They used to hand that stuff out like candy - literally, they'd have a little box with individually wrapped pills that you could just take as needed.  But this doctor, I guess, wants to see you first.  (No idea if he charges for the consultation or just wants to do a courtesy check that there's nothing else really wrong with you.)  But when I went to see him, his little office was empty.  My friends had sourced some bonine they were willing to share, and that was the end of my attempts to catch the doctor.

It's too soon to say whether it was the end of my seasickness, but I definitely got through a lot more of today feeling more stable.  (I look forward to shaving my legs - a process not undertaken lightly on a vessel in 4 meter waves.)

Today's art/craft class was decorating a bow tie.  I made this monstrosi- charming little thing using the "splatter method."  She actually suggested we use that.  That's right, we're on a ship rocking sharply up and down in the waves, and they think it's a good idea to give us acrylic paint and direct us to splatter it in the direction of the tables where people eat dinner.  Small plastic placemats were provided, but I'm not sure it ended well for everybody.

Trivia score may be problematic.  We were 12 for 15 today (in Identify the Logo), but several other teams got all 15 - and we were missing our member who would've picked up two of three that we missed.  We can handle losing a point to a few teams, but not dropping 3 points.  (AND WHY IS MY TIE CROOKED?!)

The day ended with the shipboard band playing ABBA songs and while they were going, we hit a sharp wave, had a good bounce, and one of the ceiling panels opened up and starting swinging on its hinge over the audience.  It was put back up soon enough, but we were all laughing that the band literally brought the house down.