50 for 50: 49 - The Placeholder Remains

I've had to make a few changes to the 50 for 50.  Sometimes, someone wasn't available; sometimes, work intervened; sometimes, we just couldn't make schedules mesh.  I subtly (and sometimes, not so subtly) dropped stuff from the list, added more stuff, or rearranged.  (Hell, I'm ALWAYS happy to do this stuff with friends and family; it doesn't HAVE to be a 50 for 50 to have an excuse to do it.) 

I was at the point where I had two things left, 49 and 50 (obviously).  I even did the 50th thing -- a fit-a-bunch-of-people-in-a-single-event type of thing to just put a cap on this project, but that would have to number 50, and I hadn't quite done 49 yet.

I was holding 49 for Meg.

We were supposed to go to a TV taping.  At first, her back went out, and she didn't think she could sit for the few hours involved in a taping.  When her back got better, it was summer, and we didn't want to see anything that was taping.  I mean, yeah, sure, we could see "Fuller House," but the college admissions scandal just broke, and we didn't really want to be seen doing anything that might be interpreted as supportive of Lori Loughlin.  (It's one thing to do the crime, but girlfriend signing autographs outside court is just something I cannot get behind.)  We figured we'd postpone until autumn, and catch "Will & Grace."

"Will & Grace" is filming again.

Meg passed away today.

Stupid fucking aggressive cancer.  The timeline from diagnosis to hopeful treatment to stopping treatment to succumbing was remarkably quick.  I don't quite think I'd processed that her doctors stopped chemo and put her on palliative care when I got word that it was over.  I mean, sure, I knew, but I didn't KNOW.

Meg knew, I think.  It was just about a month ago when she told me I might need to give the TV Taping to someone else.  I told her that I'm holding it for her, and I'm keeping my word.  49 stays empty.  It's Meg's.

She was generous.  She loved theatre.  Back when I was reviewing, I offered myself up at our annual auction for the Food Bank -- I'd take the winner as my guest to an opening night at the Ahmanson or Pantages.  Meg bid on me every year.  (Once there was a bidding war; I'm told it nearly ended in fisticuffs.)  I was glad she did; she was a great "plus one" for an opening night invite, and I tried to take her whenever I could, auction or not.  She was a genuine theatre geek, and I loved having her.

We were not super close; I'm sure there are dozens of people who can eulogize her better than I can.  We were just "work friends," although with theatre benefits.  We laughed.  We shared hundreds of lunches with the First Cup Friday crew.  She had just retired and didn't get nearly enough time to enjoy it.  I'll miss her.  I already do.

When it seemed like this might be the end for Meg, I actually thought that maybe I'd leave this one empty as a memento mori -- that somehow it made this list more complete if I left one open for someone who passed on.  I mean, hell, isn't the whole point (well, one of the points) of my 50 for 50 to spend time with people I love today because you never know what's going to happen tomorrow?

And now that she's gone, that's not why I'm leaving it empty.  It has nothing to do with me.  Years from now, I'm sure, I'll go back over these posts, and let them trigger memories, and I'll think about how much fun it was to do this project, and how very much I enjoyed the company of each and every person I did one of these with.  And I'm keeping this for Meg because I want to keep remembering her.  We might have missed out on a "Will & Grace" taping together, but I'm not going to take away her spot on my list.