Moron, I am a

Put in a load of laundry today.  I put laundry soap in, and turned on the water so it would fill.

I realized I had a load of laundry I'd done yesterday still sitting in the dryer, wrinkling.  I figured I'd run the dryer again for twenty minutes or so while the wash was running, so those clothes would be less wrinkled when I folded them.

I also had a lot of other stuff to do around the house.  (The lead item involved the cleaning up of kitty puke.  Some cats eat their own barf.  Mine is way too civilized for that.)

Twenty minutes later, I emptied the dryer.  Hung up all the clothes or laid them out for folding.  Cleaned the lint trap.  Opened the washer to take the wash out and put it in the dryer.

No clothes there.

I stare at the empty washer for a second, thinking some creepy Twilight Zone thoughts, as there is no other possible explanation for the disappearance of a perfectly good load of laundry.

I check the hamper.  OK, there's one other explanation.  I just washed a great big load of nothing.

 

 

Commercials That Annoy Me (Part Two)

By popular demand (thanks, cyndygee), I now reveal the a-number-one-worstest commercial on TV.

That would be that Carl's Jr. ad for their new spicy sandwich.  The one where the (computer generated) baby in utero talks to his mom about how he doesn't want her to eat the sandwich 'cause it's too spicy.  Just in case you missed it (I understand it might not air in all markets) it ends with the baby saying something about how if she doesn't listen to him, he's gonna come out early, and "take a little something with" him.  At this point, he threateningly grabs a handful of ... well, what I can only imagine is the inside of his mother's uterus.  We see it sorta stretch into his hand, and it looks kinda globby.

It's offensive.  Nauseatingly so.  Can't imagine how anyone would think this sort of thing would make someone want to run right out and buy a fast food sandwich.  Although I wouldn't be surprised if it gave pregnant women nightmares.  Yeah, that's what you need to think about -- some demon-possessed fetus grabbing handfuls of your innards and threatening to rip them out.  Nice.

Interestingly, the Carl's Jr. website has a page with their commercials online, but it omits this one.  I can only hope the ad was pulled.

Commercials That Annoy Me (Part One)

I've been meaning to mention this for some time.  Two commercials on TV really bug the crap out of me and should be put out of their misery immediately.

The Runner-Up in this category is the latest from AOL.  Now, I've liked the AOL ads where people are "asking" for the latest computer virus.  They're funny.  Not so this latest with some dude at a cafeteria throwing jello on some other dude's sandwich, in order to illustrate to jello-covered-food-man how important virus protection is.  Two reasons this commercial is a bad idea:

First, it suggests that the only reason AOL is better than a regular broadband connection is that it comes with virus protection.  You know, you can go out and buy yourself some McAfee Anti-Virus for about $45.  That's, what? about 3 months of AOL (on the bring-your-own-access pricing).  Anyone who would cough up $15 a MONTH for virus protection is a total dork.  AOL has got to have more to offer than a subscription to virus protection.  (Don't get me wrong.  I like that AOL comes with McAfee.  It's saving me the money I used to pay for my McAfee subscription.  But it doesn't justify the expense of AOL.)  You've gotta emphasize the OTHER stuff that makes AOL worthwhile -- like the proprietary content and the fact you can have a zillion screen names.

Second, it makes AOL users/shills seem like total jerks.  Yeah, when I'm telling someone about the advantages of AOL, I pull all sorts of stuff off a cafeteria line, cover their food (and shoes) with jello, and then stick them with the bill.  Boy, that makes me (and the product I'm trying to convince my friends to buy) seem really loveable, doesn't it?

The Evening Routine

Used to be, when I'd decide I was ready for bed, I'd run through the following quick routine...

-Brush teeth
-Use john
-Wash hands
-Go sleep

And, somehow, between getting older and getting a cat, it has turned into...

-Dump water bowl & fill with fresh water
-Clean cat box & flush clumps
-Wash hands
-Hide four kitty treats (so she'll have something to hunt at night)
-Have short play session before sneaking off into my bedroom
-Brush teeth
-Wash face
-Apply Mederma (anti-scar stuff for the kitten-attack scar under my lip)
-Apply lip balm
-Wash hands (to remove excess Mederma and lip balm)
-Use john
-Wash hands again
-Apply hydration gel (hands are now dry after all that washing)
-Go sleep

It's no wonder it takes me forty-five mintues to get into bed every night.

This week's homework: My movie!

For this week's homework, John Scalzi asks:

Weekend Assignment #52: Congratulations! Hollywood is making a movie of your life, and you get to choose any actor you want to play you -- yes, even if they're dead (the things they can do with special effects!) Who do you choose and why?

Extra credit: Name the musician/band who will play the theme song to the movie.

Interesting question.  With very few exceptions, I tend to pigeonhole actors.  ("Oh, you need someone creepy?  Call Christopher Walken.")  Of course, the truth is that many (maybe even most) actors are capable of more range than what we usually call upon them to do.  Still, it's hard to "cast" an actor to play me without pigeonholing myself.

I think I've got it, though -- Mary-Louise Parker.  Her work always seems so honest -- like whoever she's playing is a just a regular person, with strengths and weaknesses and quirks, like anyone.  And if you were lucky enough to see her on stage in Proof, you would have seen that she's capable of playing smart without playing nerdy.

Extra credit:  Counting Crows can do the theme song.  Their music has a great casual rock sensibility, and (when they want it to), an almost surprising poignancy.

In case you did not believe me

Visual evidence of what happens when my cat meets an eraser.

I hate being all petty ex-girlfriendy and all, but

So, the other day, I'm looking for something in my desk, and I find this eraser the ex-boyfriend (the one who dumped me on New Year's Day) gave me.  (Yes, an eraser.  Says "Out, damned spot!" on it.)

I really can't conceive of a reason to keep it around, so I toss it in the trash can.

I wake up the next morning, and see the eraser on the floor in the hall.  Jasmine has dug it out of the trash, and used it as a chew toy.  It's very nearly shredded.

And my first thought is, "Good kitty!"