Why can't this be easy?

There's a phone jack in the family room. I'm told this is where the previous owner (I don't call her the "seller" anymore) had the DSL plugged in. It's right by a built-in desk; it's where I'd plug in the DSL, too.

The jack is missing a face plate. It's no big deal, but the wires are exposed. And I have a cat. With teeth. And claws. I want to buy a face plate to put over this thing before I move the cat in.

I go to Home Depot. Find the face plates. There are some face plates with a little square in the center for a phone jack. I buy one.

I take it home. I try to screw it on, but I can't. It's about 1/8 of an inch too small all around. I'd screw the damn thing on anyway, but the screw holes don't line up with what's already on the wall.

I check online. Lowe's has face plates which claim they are oversized by 1/8 of an inch. And the screw holes are placed further out, as are the screw holes on my jack. Clearly, this is what I want. I go to Lowe's at lunch today. Buy the new face plate.

I take it home. It's the right size. I line it up and try to screw it on.

I try (twist) to screw (twist) it on (twist).

The screw holes don't exactly line up. They almost line up. I can make that second one line up if I angle the screw. So, I angle it and try to screw it in. And the plate starts bending. And bending. And bending. And I'm pretty darn sure that if I turn it once more, I'm going to snap the plate in two.

I leave it attached by one screw, figuring that's good enough to protect the wires from the cat. Once I get my belongings, maybe I can drill another screw hole in the damn thing.

And I wonder why I hire a handyman.