Audiences!

So then, the next day, we went to the theatre in New York.

(We went to see this revival of Sweeney Todd.  Really cool.)

Anyway, we have seats in the orchestra section, but we're about 7 or 8 seats off the aisle.  So the nice lady gives us our Playbills and points us toward our seats.  I want to set my crap down and then go to the ladies' room, but there's really no way to just toss my belongings on my seat without walking over people.  So I apologize for making everyone move while I get to my seat, and then leave my seat moments later.

I go to the restroom. 

I return from the restroom.

Somewhere between these two sentences, I realized that I needed my purse.  With me.  In the restroom.

(Got it?  Good.)

So I go back toward my seat, and I apologize profusely for making everyone move two more times, and I'm all, "Really sorry.  Forgot something.  Be right back.  Sorry.  Sorry.  Sorry."

There is a couple sitting next to me.  The woman is next to me; the man next to her.  As I grab my purse, he says loudly, "What's she need her purse for?"  (Moron.  For a minute, I considered explaining it to him, but left it to his wife to smack him on the head.)

I go back to the bathroom.

I return.

I make everyone move again, this time promising them that this is the very last time until the show is over. 

The woman next to me then says, "Oh, you can walk past me any time you want.  I just love that fragrance you're wearing.  You have to tell me what it is.  Really.  Don't worry at all about walking by.  I just love smelling it."

OK, here's the problem:  I am not wearing any fragrance.

I think wildly about what substance upon my person is possibly perfumed.  Secret Powder Fresh Solid?  Not only was I not wearing perfume, I hadn't even used any hairspray that morning.  I was stumped.  (Considering how I'd spent the last ten minutes, I wouldn't be surprised if I smelled of eau de bathroom.)  Normally, I'd say that I wasn't wearing any fragrance, but she'd just gone on and on about how great I smelled, I really couldn't say that without totally embarassing her.

So I lied.  I told her I was wearing Satsuma, which is what I normally wear when I actually wear perfume.  I even told her where to buy it.  She told her husband about it, so I'm sure he's going to buy her a bottle.

Won't she be surprised.