Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Cake... in a second

My neighbor baked a chocolate cake.  She invited me over for a piece.  I had to run to my place to get some fruit to give her, and I said I'd be right down.

I open the door.  I see the cat barf.

My cat has, to this point, studiously avoided barfing on my new carpet.  She's barfed on the old carpet, the glass end table, the tile entry hall, and the little plastic mat I keep her food on.  But today -- the new carpet.

I go into the cabinet and reach for the top shelf where I store the cat barf carpet cleaner.  I have several different bottles.  I go for bottle #1.  Spray on stain, it says, and then blot ten minutes later.

I spray it on the cat barf.  I kill time.  I look for a dry towel to blot it.  All my rags are in the washing machine.  I forgot to put them in the dryer a few days ago, so they're still a bit damp.  I use one on the carpet and then throw it back in the washing machine, thinking I'll definitely have to wash those rags again.

More importantly, though, the stain is still there -- just moved around a bit.  I go for bottle #2.  Bottle #2 proudly announces "no blotting required."  This is good, given the rag situation.  The details aren't as promising -- I'm supposed to spray it and then "agitate with fingertips."  This translates roughly into "stick my fingers in cat barf."  Mmm, love to.

I spray.  I agitate.  I wash my hands.  I look at the stain.  Faded somewhat, but still there.  I'm thinking now that I really ought to call my neighbor and tell her I'm gonna be late for cake, but think I'll go a second shot on bottle #2.  I spray.  I agitate with fingertips (yuk!) and wash my hands again.  Thoroughly.

Stain is faded somewhat, but still there.  I've still got bottle #3.  It doesn't have much left in it, but it looks like good stuff.  Unlike the others, it is totally toxic -- you're supposed to use in a well-ventilated area and all that.  Says that all I have to do is spray it and the stain will go away all by itself.  I spray.  I go back into the cabinet to put this stuff away back where I found it. 

At which point, I knock bottle #2 ontothe ground.  I'm not sure where it fell, but I see the spray bottle top a few feet away.  This means the bottle is open somewhere.  I turn around.  There it is.  Dumping carpet cleaner on the floor.

(Well, if you're gonna spill something, ...)

I take more damp rags out of the washer and throw them on the spill.  It dawns on me that damp is probably not the best way to go for absorbancy.  I finally get this cleaned up and return to the cat barf.  Definitely fading.  Still damp.  The bottle had said to wait until it dries completely before reapplying -- and since I've doused the carpet with everything this side of Clorox, it will take some time to dry.

I figure I should turn on the fan in the nearby bathroom, what with the fumes being toxic and all.  I turn it on and hear some bizarre noise.  I trace the noise to one of the lights in the ceiling.  I think maybe the light bulb is screwed in funny (how did that happen?) and I go get a stool and stand on it and readjust the light bulb so the sound stops.

Given the night I've been having, it dawns on me that climbing on anything is probably not a good idea, but I manage to survive it.

I really need that cake.


lanurseprn said...

I hate cat barf.  UGH.  I hate people barf, too!  And I'm a nurse!

helmswondermom said...

I really hope you got that chocolate cake!