There's low-rise and ...

Continuing on my Clothes-Shopping theme, I point out that you can buy custom jeans online from Target.  Yep.  Just click that link, select your favorites in color, rise, pocket-style and so forth.  It'll ask for your measurements (and your money) and then they'll send you some jeans made Just For You.

Specifically, it asks for your height and weight, your waist size, your inseam, and your bra size.

Your bra size.  Number and cup.

Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but there's a good deal of acreage between the bottom of my bra and the top of my jeans.  In fact, if my breasts hung down so low as to actually impact how my pants fit, well, I think I'd have some higher priority items to purchase than a custom pair of jeans.

Y'all don't think there's some perv doing programming for Target who said, "Dude, I can get these women to tell me their bust size.  Heh heh.  Heh heh heh," do you?

My fellow shoppers

OK, so, a few months ago, I wanted to buy a skirt.

A fall skirt.

Something in, maybe, suede.  A-line.  3/4 length.  I could wear it with boots.

The "A-line" thing was the big issue.  Apparently, when I gain weight, it sets up camp in my hips.  In a somewhat disproportionate amount.  Meaning that while my waist has increased by one size, my hips have gone up about two.  Which makes buying skirts something of a challenge when they're those form-fitting models.  Because if I can get a skirt that fits my waist, by the time it gets to my hips, it's fitting my form WAY too tightly.  And if I happen to get something that fits my hips, it's too loose at the waist and won't stay up.

So.  Must get A-line skirt.

Spent literally HOURS on the internet trying to find one.  Unsuccessfully.  Finally, I found one, reasonably priced, from a mail order outfit I'd never heard of (which shall remain nameless).

They weren't rated with Bizrate or anything.  I wanted to verify their legitimacy before placing the order, so I googled around to see if anyone had commented on them. 

Sure enough, I found some reviews.  And they were positive.

The thing was -- they were on a newsgroup devoted to cross-dressing.

Hey.  I don't care.  Transvestites gotta have quality duds, too.  As long as this company sends what they promise to send, I'm good with it.  So, I ordered the skirt.

It was back-ordered, and it took a few months to arrive.  Finally got here.  It's exactly as advertised; I'm fairly pleased.

The company also shipped one of its catalogs in the box.  I looked through it.  I hadn't poked around their website much, so this was my first chance to get a look at their product line.

Several A-line skirts.  In fact, quite a lot of loose-fitting clothes.  Lots of ladies' shoes -- all having in common the fact that none have a heel higher than one-inch.  Girdles -- ranging in sizes up to a 50-inch waist.

Now, it's been quite some time since I've seen girdles at all -- but I can't remember the last time I'd seen a page of girdles in what was otherwise a normal clothing catalog.  I mean, L.L. Bean doesn't have a girdle department.

And I start to wonder ... even though this catalog is all women's clothing, in various sizes, displayed on female models ... have I, in fact, stumbled upon an operation that, er, caters to the shoppers for ladies' clothing who might be a little more ... male?

Could not be more annoyed at AOL now

ARGH!!!

My laptop stopped working and it is all AOL's fault!

My laptop said my Norton AntiVirus subscription was about to expire.  Since I prefer McAfee to Norton anyway, I uninstalled the Norton and figured I'd get McAfee through AOL.

Downloaded the new and improved Security Edition.  Also Firewall Express. 

Of course, it didn't go smoothly.  AOL kept having a heck of a time connecting.  (For some reason, it kept calling my connection "broadband" and failing -- it much preferred my connection called "home network."  Whatever.)

Finally got it to work.  All was well.

When I shut down yesterday, I got a weird text-filled screen before it went to black.

Booting today, the computer gave me a "The system has recovered from a serious error.  Would you like to report it?"  Why yes, I would.

Microsoft, upon learning the error, volunteered a screen saying the error had to do with the installation of a new driver.  Did I install any new hardware?  (No.)  How 'bout a firewall?  (Yes!)  See the provider of the firewall, they say.

I go to McAfee.com, but can't get any screen from them offering Tech Support for Firewall Express -- all I get is a screen suggesting I give them more money for their complete Firewall.

I also can't WORK.

AOL won't connect.  Well, it'll connect a bit, then stop.  And as soon as I try to connect on AOL, I lose whatever broadband connection I had OUTSIDE AOL.  (i.e., my internet explorer -- which had been working fine by itself) goes all flukey.

I try to run AOL's new helpful computer check-up tool, but it only runs from within AOL, which I can't BE in for any significant length of time.

I log on to the internet (and AOL) via my desktop.

I go to McAfee.com.  This time, it will give me a help screen -- but a help screen tailored to the products I have installed on THIS computer -- which include McAfee's big honkin' firewall, not firewall express.

I come to AOL to deal with the problem.  AOL's first line of help says I should disable the firewall that came with Windows Service Pack 2.  I am only running Windows Service Pack 1.

I decide to crank up AOL's Live Human Being help (even though I am now late for work).  At first, it doesn't load.  Then it does.  I type in my question.  It says my question is too long.  I truncate my question (keeping the "driver-related error" and holding the "now AOL and IE don't work" bits for later).  I submit it.

AOL's Live Human Being help gives me nothing but a gray screen with a java icon.

We try it again.

Same gray screen with java icon.

ARGH!

I *CAN'T* be the first person this has happened to.  You'd think AOL would have a fix for it someplace.

24 Jumped the Shark

Aw, damn. 

I was all excited about the new season of 24, and now I've (provisionally) decided it jumped the shark. 

One of the things I'd genuinely liked about 24 in the past was that CTU was, by and large, good at its job.  It was sort of comforting, in the post-9/11 world, to envision a government agency dedicated to keeping us safe that was actually efficient.  It was populated by well-meaning smart people who did the impossible in an astonishingly quick amount of time.

According to the episode I just watched, CTU is now populated largely by bureaucratic pencil pushers who couldn't stop Wile E. Coyote.  In just two short hours, we've seen:  (1) Erin ignore a valid lead; (2) EVERYONE miss the fact that the terrorist attack did not match the language of the chatter; (3) an astonishinly incompetent interrogation; (4) field officers (& Erin) miss something that Jack spotted from a camera-phone relay; (5) all of CTU not know as much about a suspect that Jack did (can they not read a file?); and (6) the head of Field Ops get shot because he approached an armed suspect with no cover at all.  Hey, at least the writers let him beat the crap out of Jack first, so he could die with some measure of dignity.  But the writers of this show do seem to be setting us up for 22 more hours of Jack knowing what's right and being stymied at every turn by those bozos at CTU who don't seem capable of seeing the big picture.

Ugh.

Not to mention it appears that an unusual percentage of the players look to be under the age of 20.  Riiiight.  I thought I was watching 24, not "Wargames."  Come on, people, not everything has to counter-program "The O.C."

Frozen Memories

For this week's homework, Scalzi asks:

>Weekend Assignment #42: Share your favorite story of Winter cold -- preferably (but not necessarily) involving something freezing inconveniently and humorously.

I grew up in sunny Southern California.  I went to Law School, however, in Connecticut.

Connecticut.  They have winter there.

When I went East for my first semester, I took with me my California winter supplies.  This included lots of sweaters.  Of course, they were all made of rayon, or maybe a loose-knit cotton.  In Southern California, you don't really pay attention to what your sweater is made out of -- the fact that it provides an extra layer of clothing is usually sufficient.

I also brought my coat.  This would be one of them trenchcoat-style raincoats with a zip-in (polyester) lining.  Advertised as an "all-season" model.  Which is true, I guess, as long as all your seasons are Spring and Fall.

So, here's me, in my first Connecticut winter.  FREEZING.  My roommate taught me lots of four letter words.  Important words like "down" and "wool."

And then the snow came.

My first, oh, ten seconds in the snow convinced me that zip-in furry lining was no match for a New England winter.  I went back inside and got on the horn to The Company Store, a mail order catalog that sells down blankets and outerwear. 

The following is my end of the conversation:

- I'd like to order a coat please.

- I don't know what style number.  Just send me something warm in an extra small.

- Long sounds better.

- Sounds great.  Send me the coat.

- I don't care what color; just send the coat.

- Fine.  Fine.  JUST SEND ME THE COAT.

I had them overnight it.  I spent the next 24 hours going to classes and the cafeteria via underground tunnels that connected the dorms to the rest of the law school.  They were dirty and cockroach-infested, but had the major advantage of not being outdoors, and I managed to make it until the arrival of my brand new (steel grey, it turned out) down coat without setting foot outdoors.

To this day, my old roommate still remembers the time I yelled "Just send me the coat!" into the receiver.

Aw....darn?

Haven't posted much lately as I have not had the best possible start to the New Year, as it were.

It's sorta been a "one thing after another" sort of thing.  To the point where items that are generally shrugged off as a minor inconvenience (or even laughed at) now seem like part of the overall conspiracy to just beat me down, ya know?

I mean, yesterday, I had a doctor's appointment at an office LITERALLY five minutes away, and it took me a half hour to get there.  A HALF HOUR.  Because between me and the doctor is the Metro (light rail) track -- and the Metro was somehow broken so the signal arms were down on EVERY INTERSECTION between me and the doctor's office.  Had to drive WAY out of the way in order to reach a part of town where the track went under the street, so's I could get to the other side of the tracks.

OK.  Frustrating? sure.  But I did get to the doc on time (had left early for some reason) so it's no biggie.  But, y'know, when colored by the fun and excitement of my boyfriend breaking up with me and the hole the plumber cut in my bathroom ceiling, it seems like Just Another Damn Thing.

I'm trying to keep a little perspective here.  Especially with a minor little earthquake waking me up at 6:30 this morning -- just to remind me that things are oh so much worse for oh so many people.  I mean, if I take a deep breath and think about it, I'm still, overall, in a situation where I damn well ought to be outrageously happy with my life.  (And, yes, I knocked on wood when I typed that.)

I guess I'm in a place where I'm not entirely sure what I ought to be feeling right now.  I mean, compared to the way my life usually goes, I've had me some shitty days of late, and I figure the right, healthy thing to do is to be genuinely depressed, frustrated and/or peeved about things.  While at the same time, in a great big overall sense, I still feel outrageously lucky in a big picture sense, and it seems almost wrong to be walking around in a depressed daze, taking everything into account.

So, really.  How bummed should I really be?

Resolution About Gaining Weight

I understand many people have New Year's Resolutions to go to the gym and eat healthier and stuff like that.

Yeah, well, I have them too -- although I make that resolution pretty much every week, and still I don't go to the gym or eat healthy.  Probably has something to do with being lazy and detesting most vegetables.  Good thing there's still fruit.  If it wasn't for fruit, I'd probably be dead.

Anyway, with this new year, I'm taking a somewhat different tack to my expanding middle.

Acceptance.

Well, not COMPLETE acceptance.  I'm not throwing in the towel altogether.  I am going to throw out a lot of candy today and replace it with healthier snacks.  And there are a lot of clothes in my closet that are just a SMIDGE too tight and I'm not ready to give up on them yet.  (Particularly since I bought most of them in the past year.)

But it's time to face the facts that some of these clothes are never going to get on my body again, and there's no point in having them take up space in my dresser.  I mean, I've got a closet full of clothes, but I've noticed that -- whenever I'm getting dressed in the morning -- if I don't have clean jeans, I've got "nothing to wear" -- because few of my other trousers fit anymore.

So, last night, I had an unpleasant moment of honesty with a tape measure, and then I got online and ordered some clothes that fit.  (Good thing everything's on sale.)  It was NOT a real good feeling ordering stuff a good THREE SIZES larger than the bulk of stuff in my closet.  ("But, but... I can still get into THOSE pants, and they're not this size.")  But I took my tape measure and the sizing charts seriously, and bought some stuff that should actually FIT.

Promises to get in shape are really easy, but being honest about the body one has GOT has been surprisingly difficult.

Besides, I can always take the waistbands in....