[Name Withheld] is a Poopyhead

Friday, I got another offer on my condo (yay!)

Name Withheld submitted a reasonable offer, and wanted to close escrow in thirty days.

I pretty much had a coronary thinking about the idea of packing up everything I owned and moving in thirty days, while I'm still very busy at work and trying to co-produce an awards show.

I submitted a reasonable counteroffer, and wanted to extend escrow another two weeks or so.

I was told that Name Withheld would be submitting one more counter (on price) but was cool with everything else.

Name Withheld's top price, it appeared, was pretty much my bottom price.  So it looked like we'd have a deal.

I came home that night -- breathed some Kitty Filtered Air -- and got the emailed counteroffer.  It had the price I expected, and no other changes.

I was prepared to sign it.

Except.

Except the initial offer had said that *I* would be responsible for any homeowners association special assessments that came into being prior to the close of escrow.  Now, there was a teensy little problem with this -- because our association is currently considering changing a fraction of our NORMAL monthly paying INTO a special assessment.  The total monthly payment would stay the same -- it would just be characterized differently.  I wanted to make sure that Name Withheld understood that I wouldn't pay for THIS special assessment.  And I wanted to make sure of this before I signed the counteroffer -- because I was getting a vibe from Name Withheld that she'd be one of those people who would take me to court over this.

A flurry of emails and phone calls follow.  At first, my agent explains it wrong to her agent.  Then I explain it right to her agent.  Then her agent contacts Name Withheld.  Then silence.  I go out to dinner, glued to my cell phone.  My agent finally calls to tell me that Name Withheld will get word back to her agent the next morning.  Meantime, the counteroffer is set to expire at 11:00 a.m. 

Next morning happens.  Nothing at 9:00.  Nothing at 10:00.  Nothing at 11:00.  Around 11:15, I hear from my agent.  Name Withheld thinks that since her original offer said that I would be responsible for any special assessments, if this special assessment goes through, I should have to pay for it.  Totally ignoring that this so-called "special assessment" would just be renaming of part of the regular dues.

Well, now I've got a bit of a problem.  (Breathe more kitty filtered air.)  You see, we haven't actually voted the special assessment.  And it would be good to vote for this -- if we changed some of the regular fees into a special assessment, it would both (a) put a definite ending date on this part of our dues; and (b) make certain the money is earmarked for our reserve fund.  On the other hand, I could vote and lobby against this -- or at least vote that it not go into effect until, say, after the close of escrow -- in order to save myself from having to pay for it.  All because Name Withheld is being a poopyhead and deciding that she SHOULDN'T pay for fees she'd already been ready to pay, just because the fees might conveniently be called something else.

I decide that accepting her offer and voting against the proposal would be, y'know, wrong.  So, I go back into the email/phone call pipeline and pass on the information that I'd be happy to accept Name Withheld's offer as long as she agrees to pay the same amount of money in monthly dues, no matter what the dues are called.

And I wait. 

And wait.

And wait.

And while I'm waiting, I start to think that I don't even want Name Withheld to go ahead with the sale.  One of the things Name Withheld put in her offer is for me to remove a built-in wall unit and do all necessary related repairs.  And I had thought, yeah, I could do this.  But now I'm starting to think, "Man, removing the wall unit will be a serious pain the butt, because I'll have the repaint the wall behind it and lay some new carpet under it."  (When I had the place recarpeted, they just went around the wall unit.)  And, yeah, I have extra carpet bits, but now I'd have to pay someone to lay ten feet of carpet.  Not to mention that I'm starting to have real doubts as to if Name Withheld would actually go through with the sale, and then where would I be if I had removed the damn wall unit for her?

I'm about to take another toke off the cat when my agent calls.  Name Withheld has decided she doesn't want to buy the place.

Good.

Poopyhead.