Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Anyone Know Where the Nearest Small Claims Court is?

Part two of the FedEx saga reported on yesterday...

This morning, before I went to work, I verified that my two tags (signed; asking them to leave all packages by my door; and waiving all liability should someone decide to break into my gated complex, sneak up to my doorway, and steal two pairs of size 5 shoes) were still on the mailbox, along with the yellow post-it note confirming same.

Come home.  No tags on mailbox. 

Come to door.  No box of shoes by door.

Hmm.  Did they deliver the shoes and someone really did steal them?  Boy, that'd be pretty ironic, huh?  What are the odds?

I check the tracking number online and find that they returned the shipment to FedEx again, noting a third delivery attempt was cancelled because the customer (that's me) was unavailable to sign for it.

I call FedEx.  I am told that the delivery person did not leave the package because he decided it was an unsafe location.  I can pick up the package at their facility in downtown LA or they'll return it to the sender tomorrow.

(Here's what I think:  I think "decided it was an unsafe location" is code for "wants to get revenge because I complained about him yesterday.")

I ask why, if it was an "unsafe location," did he TWICE leave tags saying that if I signed the tag, he'd leave the package.  I also asked what was so freakin' unsafe about a gated complex.  I further asked why it was unsafe today, when it hasn't been unsafe for the past ten years that I have lived here and received packages, on my doorstep, from FedEx, all the damn time.

I was told I could pick the package up at their facility in downtown LA or they will return it to the sender tomorrow.

I asked to speak to a supervisor.

("Asked to speak to a supervisor" is understood by FedEx to mean "Please put me on hold for ten minutes, playing annoying soft rock until my brain dribbles out my ear.")

Ten minutes later, I didn't get the supervisor.  I got the same customer service rep who said she could get a supervisor to transfer the package to their Pasadena (my city) location and I could pick it up there.  Tomorrow night.

I asked to speak to someone with the authority to actually get the package to my door tomorrow.  Which is Thursday, by the way.  When the parcel was supposed to have been delivered Monday.  (Thanks, Zappos, for the free overnight shipping.  Had you just gone with UPS, I'd have my shoes already.)

Of course, says the customer service rep, I have to agree that if the package gets stolen, I waive all liability.  I nearly explode at the rep, pointing out that this was exactly what I agreed to when I signed the doortags.  (Do they not know what their fine print says?  I do.  I read it.  When I signed it.  Twice.)

I say that what I really want is for someone to explain to me why my apartment is all of a sudden unsafe for a delivery.  The customer service rep then admits that there isn't a supervisor I can talk to now, but she'll have someone call me tomorrow to explain it.

I burst into tears and wonder if it's worth the effort to sue them for negligent infliction of emotional distress.  It isn't.  Sadly, you can't sue someone for stupidity.

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