A Crime Against Nature and Humanity

I bought my lunch at Subway the other day.  I frequently do -- there's a Subway near my office and I like the idea of eating a nice, fresh sandwich rather than something vaguely burger-like sizzled on the cafeteria grill. 

Besides, I actually walk to the Subway, so I can convince myself that the block-and-a-half is, y'know, exercise.

So, I had them make up my sandwich with all appropriate fixins.  They then asked if I wanted the Value Meal (or whatever they call their combo).  "Chips and a drink?" they asked.  "Apples and a water," I replied.  They're now including them little baggies of apple slices and an ice cold bottled water among the combo meal options.  So I can feel all "Healthier Than Thou."

The lady at the register said that they were out of regular water -- and only had flavored water left.  No problem -- I just took the Strawberry flavored water.

Strawberry flavored water is an abomination.  First, I read the ingredients -- there's nothing "Strawberry" about it.  Actually, most of the (non-water) ingredients had something to do with potassium.  And/or sulfate.  As a friend at work put it, "They might have waved a strawberry over it."

The real problem though, is that it actually delivers on its promise.  Which is to say, it tastes like strawberry-flavored water. 

Think this through.  Remember strawberry flavoring?  It's on things like Jolly Rancher hard candies and big pink pieces of Bubble Yum.  It's so sickly sweet, you can just feel your teeth getting dirty just thinking about it.

They put that in what is otherwise crisp, clean bottled water. 

There is nothing crisp, clean, or water-like) about the experience.  It's like drinking an extremely runny bottle of strawberry flavoring.  I tried it for several sips and then gave up.  I dumped the contents of the bottle in the sink at work, and then refilled the bottle from the Arrowhead water cooler.

.... And then I realized that I probably didn't need to buy water at Subway in the first place.