"vómito del gato"

As previously mentioned, there was cat barf when I was away.  And that my neighbor sorta left it on my comforter the first time she discovered cat barf there, so that she'd only have to clean the comforter once (after the inevitable repeat performance).

What she forgot about was the housekeeper.

My housekeeper came today, and told me that she'd seen a whole bunch of cat barf around my place when I was away.

Except she didn't say "I saw a whole bunch of cat barf around your place when you were away."  Because English is not her first language (Spanish is), and apparently "cat barf" is not something they teach you in the basic English classes she's taking.

Well, that and she mistook a hairball for cat poop.  (Honest mistake.  Both are dark-colored and somewhat cigar-like in shape, if not size.)  Which led to the following conversation this morning....

Elda:  There was cat poo-poo on the bed and on the floor.  She no like her food.

Me:  Cat poo-poo?  Are you sure it wasn't cat throw up?

Elda:  I no understand.

Me:  Cat throw up.  From the cat's mouth.  [Small illustrative gesture of something leaving one's mouth.]  Not cat poo-poo.  [Small illustrative gesture of where poo-poo comes from.]

Elda:  I'm sorry.  I still no understand.

Me:  Cat throw up.  [As if a third repetition will somehow magically translate the phrase into Spanish.]  It's what cats do.  They clean themselves and get fur in their bellies and throw up.  [More dramatic gesture.  Just inches away from adding sound effects.]

She still doesn't get it.  Before I get on my hands and knees and cough up a hairball for her edification, it finally dawns on me that it doesn't entirely matter if she can properly identify the various substances that have come out of my cat.  What matters is that I should thank her for cleaning them up.  This I do.  And leave for work.

I come home tonight and find a fresh pile of cat barf in the middle of my bed.