Monday, October 13, 2008


Hit the mall at 10:00 a.m.

Left the mall at 7:30 p.m.

This is not sane.

Around 3:00, I called home to check my messages, and found a "early fraud alert" from my credit card company. "Yes, yes, it's me. I did that. Yes, that one too. Yes, they're all me." I never complain when Citibank flags suspicious activity, but they do seem to be getting more suspicious lately. This is my third annual Columbus Day shopping trip to this mall, and they never flagged it before -- and I spent way more money the other times.

Yeah, the trip wasn't entirely successful -- I managed only about five Christmas presents. But I bought about 11 things for me, so it wasn't a total loss. :)

Two blog-worthy events --

1. In Cost Plus World Market, they carry a Kosher Teriyaki Sauce. The label says .... (anyone? anyone?) "Soy Vey."

2. Wandering in Bed Bath & Beyond -- and I mean wandering. Bed Bath & Beyond is at about the three-quarter point in my journey through the mall. While I've recently been fired up by lunch, I'm still starting to fade, and the synapses aren't firing as quickly as I'd like. So, I'm wandering in Bed Bath & Beyond, and a dude stops me and says, "Are you married to Scott?"

"Um, no. Sorry." (Continue pushing shopping cart.)

"You look really familiar."

He does not look familiar to me. But, y'know, synapses firing slowly. I give him the benefit of the doubt. I am certain, however, that I'm not married to Scott. I'd remember something like marriage.

"Are you married at all?"

I say "No," before my brain starts waving the red flag that says, "Who tries to pick up women in Bed Bath & Beyond??"

"You're very beautiful."

I smile and say "thanks," because that's what we do as reflex. This, however, knocks me back into consciousness. Don't get me wrong here, the following is not low self-esteem talking. I am not beautiful today. I am, to be sure, capable of beautiful. Today, however, I'm not even close. Jeans. Sweatshirt (with, I noticed later, lunch stain on it). Hair pulled back in a scrunchie. No make-up to speak of. Eyes looking vaguely in different directions. Lips so chapped they hurt. Objective evaluation comes up with: No; not remotely beautiful. He's giving you a line.

He holds out his hand and says, "I'm Steve."
I shake it and say, "I'm Sarah."

(I'm not really Sarah. I'm sorta Sarah. It's an 80% lie.)

I give him a wave and start walking off to shop.

He goes on. "Do you live around here?"

Ha. My brain really wants to say, "Dude, you are SO wasting your time," but instead I just say, "No; I've just come down here for my annual holiday shopping." He doesn't take Geographical Inconvenience for "no" and presses, "What do you like to do for fun?" (My brain says, "I'm not sure; but getting picked up in Bed Bath & Beyond is not on the list.) I smile and laugh and say, "I've really got to get back to shopping" and head on off into the store.

I don't look back. I don't listen back either, but I thought I might've head him say something about how totally rude I was.

(Why, exactly? Because I didn't want to try out the mattresses with you??)

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