Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Family -- Blog Share

Here is our blog share guest anonymous author post:

FAMILY
I recently learned that a woman I know is leaving her husband and three children and moving across the country to be with a guy she met on the internet. I can't imagine what she is thinking - That somehow life will be better with this new man, without her children, that it's a good idea to tear up her children's lives this way for a chance at her own happiness. I can't imagine how she could do that to her family.
Growing up I didn't have any siblings. Well, that's not true. My dad had a daughter from a previous marriage. No one ever explained this situation to me fully, but the bits and pieces I got were that there was some mental illness in the girl's mom, and she disappeared never to be heard from again, and that my dad decided it wasn't fair for my mom to have to raise this other woman's daughter, so the girl lived with her maternal grandparents. To the best of my knowledge, there was not child support. Maybe this was before the days when they mandated that, or maybe there was support and I just never knew it. We didn't have much money most of my childhood, so maybe he didn't have it to give? Essentially, we saw her twice a year, on her birthday and around Christmas. I remember once when I was 6 and she was 9, her asking why I hogged our father. I remember feeling hurt - I didn't keep him from her, at least not in ways I could help. I can remember a few times when my mom took the two of us to a movie, or to fly a kite. When we were teenagers, we tried to be friends. I think she resented me too much. I remember once she walked past the place I worked right out of high school and yelled "B*&#h!" so loud that I could hear it through the glass door. She hated me for being the daughter who lived with her father. A couple times in adulthood, though not in the last decade or so, she has tried to forge a relationship with my dad, but nothing ever came of it, and as far as I know, no one has heard from her in years.
I don't have a close enough relationship with my dad where I would be comfortable asking him this, but as someone's child and as someone's mom, I've never understood how he could let one of his children grow up not really being a part of her life. Nor can I understand how this woman can move away and leave her children without a mom in their lives regularly.

10 comments:

Reneem1954 said...

loved it thestory was good. I have grandkids that his, mine and yours. i feel sorry for them. I tell them there is nothing wrong in having love from more than set relatives, 3 grandmas, two dads, whatever. peole should love them all.

Lori said...

I know three women who moved off and left their young children. Each of them had married very young, and I think that may have had something to do with it. This is a very good entry. I cannot imagine leaving my child, and if I were divorced and had a child, I can't imagine not wanting that child to live with me and be raised by me. It's sad that you weren't able to have a good relationship with your half-sister, and that you were put in a situation not of your choosing.

togethertheycome said...

What's sad is that you and her and to take the brunt of something that both of you were too young to understand. She was mad at you for something you couldn't control but she didn't know that, and you felt hurt and but again, you couldn't control it. My BIL ex wife left her 2 boys and moved to Wisconsin, never calls them, hardly sees them. I just don't understand it. My husbands dad left when he was 3, we now have a 15 month old and not that long ago after we put our son to bed my husband said, "How could my dad leave me like that?" It broke my heart.

Sauntering Soul said...

I'm sorry you've dealt with this in your life.

My dad almost left my brothers and I when we were very young - my biological mom had just died and he didn't want to deal with us on his own. Instead, he decided to get re-married 10 months after my mom died and basically he was around physically but has never been around emotionally for any of us. It's been 36 years since my mom died and he's still emotionally detached from us. Sometimes family situations just suck and there doesn't seem to be anyway to fix them.

courtney said...

I feel bad for both you and your half-sister -- her for not having a father to spend time with her, you for having to take the brunt of it. Agreed, there's no excuse for abandoning your family.

Shelly said...

Wow. That just sucks all the way around, doesn't it? She never had your dad and blamed you, and you couldn't do anything about it. What was your dad thinking?

-R- said...

Courtney wrote exactly what I was thinking.

H and I had a conversation the other day where we both agreed we could never get divorced because we can't stand the thought of spending less time with our son. Not that we were going to get divorced otherwise, but I just can't imagine how hard it would be to see B less, let alone, to barely ever see him.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the comments, all -

togethertheycome - Your husband's comment made me feel bad. I know what he means though - When you look at your own child, it's hard to imagine how anyone could ever leave their child.

-R- - I know what you mean - It seems like I don't get enough time with my child, and I'm sure not willing to split that time in half!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that you and your half-sister had to go through this growing up. When I was in second grade, my dad went back to graduate school. Unfortunately, due to the very specific nature of what he does, he had to go to school five states away. He would come home every other weekend or so, driving his miserable Chevette all night on Fridays to spend Saturday with us. Then he'd turn around and leave on Sundays. He would bawl his eyes out every Sunday as he said goodbye to us. He ended up quitting the degree program, because it was so hard for all of us.

I know that comment was Tolstoy-long... sorry. I guess what I'm saying is that I cannot, cannot imagine not having a parent around. It's something that I just can't even fathom.

LaraBoBara said...

Wow. Both of those stories are nuts! Thank you for sharing.