Monday, July 12, 2004

Fun or Pathetic?

Have you heard about

This cracks me up.

OK, here's the idea:  You give them $20 and they get a real live actual celebrity to pick up the phone and call the person you designate to wish 'em happy birthday or something.

In principle, a pretty fun idea.

But wait, you must read the fine print.

First, the call from the real live actual celebrity is no more than 30 seconds in length.

Second, the call (although live) is scripted.  (Damn actors -- they're completely useless without a script in hand.)  So you've gotta select from a pre-determined message, like "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas" or "Tell My Wife I Love Her."

Or, "Invitation To A Date" or "Thank You For The Job Interview."  I am not making these up

If you want to write your own (under 30 second) script, that'll run you $30.

Third, the celebrity can make the call any time day or night for the next seven days.

Fourth, you'll want to make sure nobody but the intended recipient actually answers the phone, because the celebrity won't wait for them to pick up.

Fifth, and, really, this is probably the most important -- of the 64 celebrities they have on file, not a whole lot of these people can legitimately be called celebrities.  Which is reasonable when you think about it, because it isn't like anyone on Hollywood's "A-list" is going to really want to call you up in the middle of the night to wish you a happy birthday for whatever fraction of $20 is their cut.  But the folks here aren't even B-list.  What I'm trying to say is that the bulk of's celebrity roster is made up of folks who'd have a hard time getting a guest shot on "Celebrity night" on a Game Show Network original.

We're talking about names of the "what has he been up to for the last 20 years?" variety -- like Russell Johnson ("Gilligan's Island"), Todd Bridges ("Diff'rent Strokes"), Ron Palillo ("Welcome Back, Kotter"), Ken Kercheval ("Dallas"), and Christopher Atkins ("The Blue Lagoon").

And also, folks of the "no, really, I'm famous" variety, like Richard Hatch ("Survivor"), Alex Michel ("The Bachelor"), and, of course, Brian "Kato" Kaelin (who is actually billed here as "America's Favorite Houseguest.")

Can you IMAGINE?  As you're walking out of your job interview, you tell your prospective employer to be sure to leave the answering machine on for a very special phone call, and then at 2:00 a.m. three days later, Kato Kaelin calls them up to thank them for the job interview on your behalf.  Man, you'll be a shoo-in!

Or the "Invitation To A Date" call.  You really like that girl and you have her phone number, but you just can't bring yourself to ask her out, but if that dude who played Arnold Horshack does it for you, you're in, baby.

What I'm trying to say here is that if you're someone who could really use a 30-second "Encouraging Motivational Call" from the guy who was in "B.J. and the Bear," you might want to save that $20 for some therapy.


pegluh said...

Hey, don't diss the Professor, that's not cool.  
Yeah - get Alex Michel to ask out that girl for you.  Because his smarmy ass is so good at relationships.

annalisa135 said...

LOL!   OMG!!  As usual, totally hilarious outlook, but I agree.  It's all a bunch of craziness.  The thing that's sobering is that people WILL use this service, as ridiculous and lame as it appears.