Big Fat Cow Day!

Y'ever have those days when you feel like you're just a big fat cow?

I went clothes shopping tonight.  I had McDonald's for lunch.  You do the math.

I'm going someplace extremely warm and toasty over Labor Day weekend (Arizona) so I thought I'd go pick up a sundress or something.  Nothing really nice -- just a casual little dress.  Something that's just a step up from a beach cover-up. 

I used to have a dress like that -- the fabric was light, the dress had a nice short flowing skirt -- you could easily wear it in the desert and then slap a thin sweater over it when you went inside and experienced the arctic air conditioning.  So I knew exactly what I wanted.

I figured this would be a really good time to get something like that on sale, seeing as it's the end of summer now, so all the stores are starting to stock their fall lines, so they're moving the summer stuff.  I decided to go to Loehmann's -- big discount clothing store.  They just opened a branch near me and I had a coupon and everything.

First disappointing discovery -- they had lots of dresses, but the only flirty summery frolicky ones were labelled "Junior."  Apparently, someone believes that "women" only need velvet party dresses or conservative items for work -- as nothing in "Women's Dresses" was even close to what I was looking for.  So, I resigned myself to the rack of Junior dresses.  There were a few that seemed like what I was looking for.  I had a moment of confusion when trying to figure out what my size is in "Junior," but I went with "Medium" and grabbed about a half dozen dresses.

OK, now, despite what you may have heard, Loehmann's does have private fitting rooms.  Second disappointing discovery -- they were all full.  I could use the "public" fitting room.  Mirrors all around the walls, several other women trying on clothes and trying really hard not to catch a glimpse of each other getting undressed.  (I imagine this is much easier for men, as they have "urinal experience" in the art of Not Looking.  I had to think back to Junior High School gym class.) 

How fun is this?  Cramming my not-so-Junior butt into Junior-sized clothing, in freakin' public!  Bad enough I had to endure the humiliation of seeing myself in this attire, but I knew total strangers were looking over at me doing acrobatics to get into this stuff, wondering, "What is she thinking?"

Third disappointing discovery -- I'm not even a "medium" in Junior clothing.

Fourth disappointing discovery -- An astonishing percentage of Loehmann's clothing has rips.  I found one dress that very nearly fit, but there was a huge hole in it where they'd pinned the price tag.  I later tried on a suit (just to make myself feel better) and the zipper was pretty much ripped out of the pants.

I left Loehmann's and tried a couple other stores -- stores that cater to grown-ups, thanks very much.  They had some summery dresses on their sale racks, but each time I tried one on, I looked ucky in it.  I don't know if it was because my hair was flying all over the place (hazard of pulling all those dresses on and off), my ankles look absolutely ridiculous (I have an unfortunate tan stripe across each ankle from a misadventure in applying sunscreen a couple weeks ago), or the result of the Super Value Meal at lunch, but nothing I tried on looked like I had any business wearing it.

On the way out of the last store, I told the saleslady that I had no luck, but asked if she could spare a parking validation for trying.  She gave me the validation, and a sympathetic look -- "We all have those days," she said.  Big fat cow days!