Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Do NOT put me on your jury

People, people, people...

I've just completed my fourth stint in jury duty, and I am now more convinced than ever that NONE of you want me on your juries.  (Well, ok, HALF of you don't want me on your juries.)

Here's the thing -- I tend to control juries.

I don't set out to do this.  Truth is, I go out of my way NOT to.  I always make sure someone else is the foreman, and I'll try really hard not to say ANYTHING in deliberations as long as someone else is making the points that I want made.

Yeah, that's the plan anyway.

Fact is, of the four juries I've been on, I have (either partially or completely) controlled three of them.  And that fourth one was going to hang anyway.

It's just my nature.  I'm smart.  I'm opinionated.  I'm argumentative as hell.  I can be persuasive.  

I can badger people into submission.  Do you really WANT someone on your jury who likes to argue so much, the rest of the jurors will just GIVE UP and vote her way?  Well, maybe you do, if you think you're going to get me on your side.  But I'm also unpredictable.  I'm confident enough to "go off the board" and have frequently persuaded my fellow jurors with a factual argument neither you nor your opposing counsel even MENTIONED at trial.

Twice, I've ended up on juries because you guys wasted your challenges and didn't have any left by the time you got to me.  I'm telling you -- save one when you see me coming.


grodygeek said...

I'm yours. Send one way plane ticket please. The sentences that did it:

"It's just my nature. I'm smart. I'm opinionated. I'm argumentative as hell. I can be persuasive."

I think I'm in love. You are everything I've ever dreamed of. Debate records and photos from acting performances available upon request.

Yours in love,

bernmilo said...

I wanna be a juror bit never get picked....

annalisa135 said...

When my trial comes up in a few months, i MOST DEFINITELY want you on my jury.   I NEED you on my jury.  Better yet, how about becoming my lawyer?  Before you're done Kevin will fry, i have no doubt.  love you!

nzforme said...

bermilo, that's your mistake -- you've gotta act like you don't want to get picked.  If you sigh and roll your eyes and make like they're wasting your time, you'll end up on the jury.

Gordy -- good to see you again!  (You're GREAT for my ego.)

moontoo1314 said...

Have you seen Run Away Jury?  Your entry reminds me of the actor in the movie, you would enjoy the movie, rent it.  Maybe you wrote the script?  I posted a new entry today and got a photo on all by myself, check it out.  Leave a comment, I need a pat.  moontoo1314