Thursday, September 11, 2003

Total Recall!

Does it make me a bad person that my first thought upon receiving my California Recall Election Sample Ballot was "eBay"?

It might not make me any better, but I'm certainly not alone. (Search it yourself. The hyperlink made this entry too long.)

Interesting things from my ballot:

- In my particular district, "V" is the first letter of the reorganized alphabet. Thus one Marc Valdez (an "Air Pollution Scientist") is the candidate at the top of my ballot.

- In California, we've got this rule that a candidate's description of his or her occupation cannot exceed three words. Some folks don't make use of each and every word, contenting themselves with things like "Engineer" (S. Issa), "Attorney" (Bob Lynn Edwards) or "Physician" (Ronald J. Friedman). Others go that extra mile. So, while Gary Coleman is simply an "Actor," Mary 'Mary Carey' Cook is an "Adult Film Actress."

- Four candidates (Ariana Huffington, Vik S. Bajwa, Paul Nave and Daniel C. 'Danny' Ramirez) have used one of their precious words to inform us they are a "Mother" or "Father."

- We have 25 candidates (including Arnold Schwarzenegger and Peter Ueberroth) who describe themselves with the word "Businessman," 6 who use "Businesswoman," 4 who prefer "Businessperson," 6 who go with "Business Owner," (and 1 "Businessowner,") and 4 who go all the way to "Business Executive."

- Some candidates manage to put what might well be their entire platform in their three-word description: Ned Roscoe is a "Cigarette Retailer"; Warren Farrell is a "Fathers' Issues Author"; and Bruce Margolin a "Marijuana Legalization Attorney."

- While some candidates want to be sure to remind us of what they've done in the past (Peter Ueberroth is a "Businessman/Olympics Advisor") others take a more understated approach (Larry Flynt is a "Publisher").

- Some folks are probably the first with their particular job description to run for Governor. Ivan A. Hall is a "Custom Denture Manufacturer"; William 'Bill' S. Chambers is a "Retired Switchman/Brakeman"; Paul 'Chip' Mailander is a "Golf Professional"; Mike P. McCarthy is a "Used Car Dealer"; and Kurt E. 'Tachikaze' Rightmyer a "Middleweight Sumo Wrestler."

My polling place has changed. I will not be voting at the nearby Church, like I used to. Instead, I'll be voting at the nearby "U-Haul." I'll need one of their trucks to carry my ballot.

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