Fifty First Dates -- Is That All? (1 of 2)

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, I've figured out a way to yield to the demands of a reading public clamoring for dating stories, yet still retain my privacy.

A few threads down, Andrea suggests that I should try speeddating.

Waaaay ahead of you.

Let's take a moment to review NZ's dating history.

I've been fixed up by: my friends, my mother, my sister, my grandmother(!), my cousins, my parents' friends (although not yet my friends' parents, but some have made rumblings in that direction), my co-workers, and random people I sorta knew on the internet. In no particular order, some of the men I've met through these set-ups were: a thief (who stole to support his drug habit); a compulsive philanderer; a fellow with whom I had so little in common we stared at each other for two hours; a guy who called me up (drunk, I can only hope) to tell me the dimensions of his genitals; and a guy who ended our date early because he felt guilty about being out behind his girlfriend's back.

I've answered internet personal ads from no less than five different companies. Here, I've found such winners as: a guy with no car (in L.A.! Really, it's mind-boggling); a guy who lacked basic personal hygiene; a guy who spoke so softly you had to lean in to hear him but had outrageously bad breath; a guy still hung up on his roommate's girlfriend with whom he once had a three-way; and a guy who was so unlike his written persona I'd swear he sent someone else on the date (dude, where's Cyrano?). I'm currently with eHarmony -- and, believe me, they deserve a rant of their own. eHarmony is different in that you don't search ads -- they pick the matches for you, based on who they think is compatible given your answers to a personality test. I'm not sure what keys I accidentally hit when taking that test, but apparently eHarmony think I'd be compatible with insensitive jerks, 'cause that's what they keep sending me.