Tuesday, February 10, 2004

The Gory Details of Meeting the Guy at Starbucks...

... will not be shared, despite popular demand.

The short answer why is: my mom reads this journal.

The rather longer answer why is: the guy might. Yeah, ok, he doesn't -- I know this. But many of my friends do, and I expect that any person of the male persuasion with whom I might develop a friendship or (maybe) something more will sooner or later find himself in possession of the URL. I don't want to have to be afraid to mention my journal around anyone I might be dating -- and I *certainly* don't want anyone I might be dating to come here and find me ragging on him, or anyone else.

Which is a shame, I'm sure, as I got some good dating stories. But that sort of thing is off-limits.

I will tell you, instead, since I've been waxing philosophical about it of late, what the hell it is that I'm looking for:

- A man.
- Who is at roughly the same point in his life as I am in mine.
(i.e., established in a career, has a mortgage, no kids.)
- Who gives me some sort of good reason to believe he's heading down a similar path I am.
- Who does not present himself like a "before" guy on "Queer Eye"
- Who has two brain cells to rub together and occasionally gets a spark.
- Who thinks "The Daily Show" is funny, or would if he saw it.
- Who owns a television, a computer, and a car.
- Who votes.
- Who would go to the theatre every now and then.
- Who doesn't smoke.
- Who has a favorite Beatles song, Billy Joel song, and Star Wars movie (which isn't "Phantom Menace").
- Who would zorb down a hill with me.

Oh, and, since it apparently has to mentioned, let me also add:
- Who is straight.
- Who is not currently married.
- Who has teeth.
- Who has moved out of his parents' home.
- Who does not use controlled substances.
- Who does not tell me racist, sexist, or homophobic jokes on the assumption I'd think them funny.
- Who expresses some level of rudimentary interest in my life.
- Who has a life for me to express an interest in.

and, of course, who looks like Viggo Mortensen.


pegluh said...

You know, even Viggo Mortensen would not fulfill your list.

grodygeek said...

I think you gotta raise your standards. Put it this way, I meet all your criteria, except the no kids part. Although if you think about it, there is some grey areas. Does he have to use a car, much? Put thought into who he votes for? Will dentures fill in the teeth requirement? How about murdered his parents and now owns their former home? Heck I've been interested since I saw you went to NZ, someplace I'd like to cycle tour. Up, Up, Up. Gordy

grodygeek said...

When they go to being able to block visitors, are you going to um block Mommie dearest and said boy? I mean AOhelL-J can use all the wicked dating stories we can get. I'd tell mine, but dangitall. I can't get that first email reply.... And no, I'm not afraid to ask. I get turned down more than opinion pollsters in shopping malls. Gordy

andreakingme said...

I'm sure you've seen Nutty Girl and Serendipity talk about their Fast Date evenings (I know that's not the right phrase). But for an hour, you zip through every male in the room in 5 minute? increments or something. You should try it. What have you got to lose? Can't leave everything up to chance.

Bums me out that you're not going to spill, though. ::sigh::